The Gospel according to St. Phillip of Sterndale.

[fuckwit]

For those of you that may never have read this, and for those of us that consider it should live forever, here it is again:

The Gospel according to St. Phillip of Sterndale.
And on the eighth day (when he had rested and was feeling, frankly, rather on the ball) God created the leaf spring.

The leaf spring articulated well, was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place and God saw that it was good. Not known for his modesty, the lord looked upon his spring and was rather chuffed, to say the least.

So pleased was the Lord with his creation that he considered, for a while, uncreating the foot, which he had created the week before and adorned with a red sock. The leaf spring had rendered the foot useless and those who bore the foot with the red sock had already become pious and uninteresting but God relented and allowed the foot to remain.

For generations man used the spring created by the lord and found that it articulated well and was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place and they worshipped the Lord for his creation.

There lived in the firery pits of Hades the evil lord Beelzibub and on a visit to the earth he looked upon the lord’s creation and was envious of the way man worshipped the lord for the way his spring articulated well and was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place.

And sensing that the time was right Beelzibub decided that he would lead man away from the way of the Lord and his creation.

Beelzibub appeared unto man and did take his own coiled, metallic tail, which he gave to man and did say: Here is a new kind of spring that is called a coil spring and it articulates well (although he did not mention that it articulated no better than the lord’s spring and was prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place).

Man, being stupid, did look upon the new spring and did think that it was good, even though it articulated no better than the lord’s spring and was prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place.

Beelzibub was pleased and, being on a bit of a roll, did then take the metallic scaley skin from his body and did give it unto man and did say here is something that is called chequer plate that you may walk safely, and without slipping, on the vertical surfaces of your landrover. Man, being stupid, did look also upon the chequer plate and did think that it was good.

Meanwhile the Lord did return from his post-creation holidays and did look upon the earth and did see that many men (who were stupid) had forsaken the lords spring, even though it articulated well and was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place, for the devils spring. The Lord was displeased and did call the coil spring gay (In the same way that he did call gay the men who did covet the bottoms of other men, especially as he had gone to so much trouble to invent girls, with t1ts and that).

The Lord did then notice that man had adorned his landrover with chequer plate and did call that Gay too. The Lord did then call white spoked wheels, that some men had shod their landrovers with, gay. The Lord did also notice that some men had adorned their landrovers with deep sills so to appear as skirts, in the hope of attracting men who did covet the bottoms of other men, and did call them gay too.

And so did the Lord eventually tire of calling things gay and so did create the interweb and with it [insert name of that other place here] so that it may continue, on his behalf, to preach the word of the Lord’s spring that articulates well and is not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place.

And the Lord did say unto the admin of [insert name of that other place here]: ‘Thou shalt preach the word of the leafspring, that articulates well and is not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place, and thou shalt, on behalf of the Lord, call things gay and all things that thou shalt call gay shall be gay and so it shall be.

[DasLandRoverMan]

A bit of a blast from the past there.

I reckon we can let it ride for now, but will add the disclaimer that it's all in good humour, and that we don't discriminate based on age, gender, race, sexuality, religion, or any other denomination you may feel you belong to.

[22900013A]

A bit of a blast from the past there.

I reckon we can let it ride for now, but will add the disclaimer that it's all in good humour, and that we don't discriminate based on age, gender, race, sexuality, religion, or any other denomination you may feel you belong to.

You might not, I'm an equal opportunity hater, I just hate everyone equally (just kidding)

Yeah blast from the past that, makes me think of the good old days when life was in many ways much simpler. I had thought this had vanished down the memory hole but glad to see it survived. The guy who wrote it was a good egg, seems to have vanished off the face of the internet though.

[fuckwit]

Always loved this, I've had it archived for ages. Like the best humour, it hides a truth. In my mind, it's an accurate bellweather for the way Landrovers have gone. So, unless we get all guardian reader over it... I for one can't find the arse for those that claim to their right not to be offended. The right not to be offended has become the new blasphemy. When I find one of the f&*kers, I have to resist my inner desire to do just that.

I'm an equal opportunity hater, I just hate everyone equally (just kidding)

Me too, only as an old grumpy, I'm not sure I'm kidding.

Anyway, is it me, or have Landrovers and those that drive them become ever more crass? My grandafather was a market-gardener, and I know what he'd say if he ever saw his 109 w%^kered by the all too typical knuckle-dragger with a copy of LRO, that seems to be the bulk of owners today.

And don't even get me started on the current model line-up. You'll never stop the rant.

Who was the author?

[22900013A]

That author was a chap called Phil Gregson who lived (lives) somewhere in the Peak District. He did have a small workshop there and used to come laning back before everything got a bit nasty with some folks...

As to the coils vs leafs - I drive a 110 and of course my works Defender, I have never really noticed much difference in handling to be honest, my series is only as smooth as the coiler, although yes the coiler will take bumps more nicely at higher speeds. I still think even my Tdci is really just a IIA with a decent engine in it and a heater, they are really surprisingly similar.

The current range you say...I couldn't even name them. I had the misfortune to drive through London last night and went past the dealer at Park Royal. All bling and massive alloys. I don't see the connection anymore. They have changed the Land Rover logo too...I highly doubt I will ever buy another new Land Rover.

[wilberth]

so the heater on a Tdci actually works than? The TD5 is just like the series, only demistst the passenger side of the windscreen....( and that is without discrimination the case for both LHD and RHD )

[DasLandRoverMan]

The heater in mine works pretty well, but I put that down to it having a petrol engine in it again.
It wasn't the best when it had the Mazda in, but was pretty good with the V8's it had in beforehand also.

[22900013A]

so the heater on a Tdci actually works than? The TD5 is just like the series, only demistst the passenger side of the windscreen....( and that is without discrimination the case for both LHD and RHD )

Oh yes, very much so. Too hot without aircon though. You get side demisters too, but the vents into the footwells are poor even compared to a series III as they come in sidewards from the middle, not straight down from above.

[Trebro]

White spokes, chequer plate and deep sills all seem a bit tame compared to the current trend for these awful pimped up interiors, wide body plastic wings and panoramic glass roofs etc.

[DasLandRoverMan]

True.
I rather see 8 spokes as 80's nostalgia these days.